“Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God, for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.”
~Psalm 42:11~
While not pleasant, suffering is not always a bad thing. We understand that suffering can be important. It is a way for a person or character to grow, to learn things that might not be learned when times are good. In stories, through suffering we learn to connect and empathize with a character. But there comes a time when enough is enough.
Have you ever wondered why some of our favorite characters seemed to enjoy their suffering? We are following them on their journey and feel for them in their pain, but we get to a point when think they need to move on already. We see a clear path for them and a way for them to get their life back. Why do they insist on wallowing in their grief and making it harder on themselves?
Why did Smeagol keep the ring and long for it, even though it cost him dearly and caused so much suffering? We could clearly see that it was evil and bringing nothing but grief to him.
Why did Anakin hold onto his fear of losing his loved ones that it consumed his every thought and made him miserable, missing the good things before him? In the end, it destroyed him.
We see Ben-Hur holding onto revenge and causing turmoil within himself. Jo March kept hold of her anger, making life with her family strained and unhappy.
What was so appealing about pain and staying in a dark place? Wouldn’t you want to let go and get out of there as quickly as possible…to grow, move on and start living a better life? Why oppose healing?
I always thought the answer was so simple. I mean, who would WANT to stay in a miserable state and feel all that pain every day? But one day I suffered in a way that brought me to the darkest place I had ever been. My worst nightmare come true and the worst pain and sorrow I had ever felt. It was miserable.
Yet, when I was finally honest with myself I realized: I didn’t want out.
Holding the Thorns
It is easy to see clearly when we are looking through the lens of third person. When we are reading or watching someone else’s story, we have a better view and a clearer mind. We can better assess and understand what is going on, what the problem is, and what needs to be done. When we are in the situation ourselves it is not that easy. Our vision is blurry and our emotions are more intense.
Yet even then, God gives us insight that we never had before, or didn’t quite understand. When I was in the middle of my suffering, calling out to God for the thousandth time to take away the pain and not understanding why He hadn’t yet…two words jumped into my head and seemed to scream in my ear: Let. Go. YOU have to let go.
You see, often times without knowing it, we are holding the thorns that are hurting us…and we refuse to let go. But why?
Why is it so hard to let go of something that we hate? Why do we dread letting go of our pain?
Perhaps it is because letting go of the pain means letting go of so much more. Things that we may not want to get rid of or accept.
Letting go of our fear means letting go of control and trusting God. This is very hard to do, even when we KNOW we can trust Him completely. And, let’s be honest, very few of us like giving up control for the unknown.
Letting go of our anger…well, that requires humility and a letting go of pride sometimes…things that our human nature doesn’t like.
Letting go of our grief often means letting go of something we loved. It means having to accept that what was taken from us is really gone. Sometimes letting go of the thorns means dropping the rose.
Whatever it is that we are struggling to let go deceives us into believing that it is what we want, that it will make up for the pain we suffered…or even, using it to get what we want (or think we want). Have you ever thought that by holding onto your anger you might feel some satisfaction for the cause or perhaps it might give others just a little glimpse of the pain you experienced? Have you ever thought, even just the tiniest bit, that if you wallowed in your grief long enough God might give you want you wanted?
We just keep squeezing those thorns tighter, digging them deeper and prolonging the pain.
Suffering is unavoidable in this world. Grief will happen, we will struggle with all these emotions and we may even find ourselves “in the depths of despair”. Whether or not we want to admit it, sometimes the depths of despair can seem appealing at first: we get to wallow, and for a time we don’t have to fight or face the truth. At least for a short time. We cannot stay there, and we cannot let the evil one lead us down that road of lies. All hope is not lost, and this doesn’t have to last an eternity.
We just need to let go of the thorns.
“Lord, from sorrows deep I call,
When my hope is shaken.
Torn and ruined from the fall,
Hear my desperation!
For so long I’ve pled and prayed!
God, come to my rescue!
Even so the thorn remains.
Still my heart will praise You.
Storms within my troubled soul,
Questions without answers.
On my faith these billows roll,
God, be now my shelter.
Why are you cast down my soul?
Hope in Him who saves you!
When the fires have all grown cold,
Cause this heart to praise You!”
~Lord from Sorrows Deep I Call
Preserving Foundations 