Home for Christmas

If you had asked me a year ago where I saw myself a year down the road, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. Last Christmas I was finding it difficult to imagine anything else but the present struggle. . .I most certainly never thought that only a few months would find me here.

Since entering adulthood, God has liked to shake my world every few years. Just enough to knock me off my comfortable perch and teach me something I tried to avoid; to take me on an adventure and give me something to write about. . .even if it takes a while for the words to make it to the paper. In 2013, He turned my world upside down, moved me from my childhood home and started me on a long journey down a road I had no desire to walk down. Now, ten years later, He has brought me full circle.

Ten years, and many crazy adventures, later I find myself back home in the town where I was born. The home I had wanted to go back to for so long.

But this time I have come back different. I have grown, I have learned, I have been broken, I have healed, and I am more willing to listen to what God has to teach me in all areas of my life.

Returning home was nothing like I imagined. It turned out better than I could have ever planned. Once again, God’s timing was perfect. If I had moved back when I wanted to I would not have so many things that I do today. I would have been running away from the things I hated instead of moving forward into the next chapter.

It may have taken ten long years, but my experiences in Texas have prepared me for a lot of things back home. Years lacking any kind of winter has made me increasingly grateful for the cold, even when I am trying to clear frost off my car at 6 in the morning. All the intense theological and political discussions and debates with people at church helped me dive deeper into my faith and give me more confidence to speak about my beliefs and be prepared to answer even the most random of questions. And spending ten years in Texas will prepare you to drive just about anywhere else in the country. There is not much that will scare or annoy you after that!

Three years ago, I wrote an article about the Christmas Star and the hope that Christmas brings. It was the first time I ever wrote something without my heart in it. I was in a hopeless state in life and quickly losing my faith in miracles and the joy of the Christmas season. I didn’t believe in what I was writing and I couldn’t imagine a time in the future where Christmas would no longer bring dread and depression. How could I believe in miracles after all that had happened? And each year after just added another bad memory to the already large file.

But God.

God knew what my heart would need ahead of time. I didn’t believe it then, but reading my words years later. . .I see God’s hand in my writing even when I was out of it.

Today, as I look at my tiny Christmas tree in the corner and listen to my favorite Christmas music, I find myself eager, once again, for the holiday season. Though my tastes have changed and I will probably be creating new traditions, the movies, music, and celebrations no longer bring a feeling of dread, but of true deep thankfulness and reverence.

God was working behind the scenes. Sometimes things have to get darker before they get lighter. For it is in the most darkest night we see the light shine the brightest. Then, when we least expect it, the pieces fall into place. . .when we fully surrender. I had to fully surrender and give Him control before I could see all the roses among the thorns.

He is everyday working on my heart and mending the broken pieces. He will write the best story. . .for you, for me, for us. . .if we let Him.