I want to dedicate this post to my amazing father, who taught me what it means to follow God with all my heart and to live a life based on truth and excellence.
The Importance of a Father’s Role
A father has a unique influence that others do not have. We all want our fathers to be proud of us. We want our father’s love an encouragement often more than any other’s. For girls, we tend to want our perspective husband to be a lot like our fathers.
Children are extremely sensitive and observant, and they internalize relational experiences. The early interactions with their father sets the groundwork for what a relationship looks like to them and impacts both the father-son relationship and the father-daughter relationship.
Many have described fathers as the person who establishes a woman’s worth as he is the first man in his daughter’s life. Girls will look for men who hold the patterns of their dad. When a father treats the women around him with love and respect, he shapes his daughter’s opinions of men in a positive way and reinforces her self-worth by demonstrating how a respectable man should behave towards a lady.
Boys tend to model themselves after their fathers. A father’s respect towards women will teach their sons how to treat women appropriately. When he sees his father respect and love his wife, care for and defend his daughter, honor his mother and treat any other woman with respect and dignity, he naturally tends to emulate that pattern.
On the flip side, when fathers are absent, children are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, commit suicide and end up in prison. A father’s absence in the home, or even lack of engagement, is constantly shown to effect a child’s education, mental health, family stability, and, of course, spiritual growth.
Qualities of a Father
The way fathers are portrayed in the media today is a shame. While the women are the strong, smart and observant ones, the men are meant to be portrayed as goofy, clumsy and idiots. But that is so far from what a father is called to be.
“We have the responsibility to mold a life. And I don’t think that should be taken casually.” –Courageous
“Part of being a man is about taking responsibility. Any fool can have a child.” –Courageous
While there are probably many qualities we could think of that a godly father should have, I want to focus on 4 of the major ones:
- Leadership – Fathers have been given the responsibility to provide spiritual leadership in the family. Fathers should take the lead in the home, not by dominating and causing his children to fear him or fear communicating with him, but by lovingly guiding and encouraging them to follow and serve the Lord.
“But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” –Joshua 24:15c
- Protector – Protection is not just protecting them from physical and emotional harm. Godly fathers protect their children by looking out for their best interest. That includes making rules and drawing clear boundaries, talking to them about things they should be aware of, teaching about the consequences of making the wrong choices, and warning them of the dangers of sin. A father that protects is one that does not let his kids do as they please but will instill discipline that will be beneficial to all parties and will create character development. Preparing your children to face the battle against evil is the best way to protect them.
“Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.” — Ephesians 6:11
- Provider – A father should have the goal of working hard to provide for the physical needs of his family, but this also goes a little bit further… reaching the heart. Being a father who provides is more than just providing food, clothes, and a roof over the head. It’s also about making sure needs are addressed across the board. In the same way that God provides for our physical, spiritual and emotional needs, fathers should strive to do the same. This includes love, compassion, forgiveness, comfort, wisdom, etc.
“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” –1Timothy 5:8
“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” –Philippians 4:19
“As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.” –Psalm 103:13
- Instructor – First and foremost, a father should instruct his children in the ways of the Lord and raise them up, teaching them to serve Him. Instruction should also include correction and discipline.
“And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training an admonition of the Lord.” –Ephesians 6:4
“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and you shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” –Deuteronomy 6:6-7
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” –Proverbs 22:6
All of these are qualities that cannot just be a lip service or something to parade about with no actual work behind it, but each one has to be an example. Ultimately, a father should be an example; one that his children can look up to and imitate. In his work ethic, his relationships (how he treats his wife, parents and other people), his walk with God, even while not being perfect, he should reflect the character of God in humility to the next generation. A man who seeks to imitate God and show that example to his children so that they will know Him.
“When all that generation had been gathered to their fathers, another generation arose after them who did not know the LORD nor the work which He had done…” –Judges 2:10
“The righteous man walks in his integrity; his children are blessed after him.” –Proverbs 20:7
A Godly Example
Now, this does bring up the question: “How do we know what qualities a father should have?”
Normally I would bring up an example from the Bible that God has pointed out as good…but on this subject I ran into a bit of a problem.
Though there are many godly men in the Bible and many areas of their life and faith to emulate, when we see them in their homes, we don’t really have a lot of great examples of fatherhood:
- Abraham got ahead of God and concieved Ishmael with Sarah’s handmaiden, then sent him away years later at the request of his wife.
- Isaac picked a favorite son and wasn’t really involved in the lives of his sons.
- Jacob also showed favortism with his children and actively proclaimed it, again creating a barrier between his children and fostering jealousy.
- David had many wives and then committed adultery. His children rose against him and raped and murdered each other.
These are not examples of fathers to immitate… but I believe we have, not a biblical example, but a GODLY example of a father to immitate. Our heavenly Father. And what better example to have!
From cover to cover, we can see the qualities a father should have in how God interacts with us, and we can have our pick of perfect examples to teach us how earthly fathers should be.
1. God provides for His people
-He provided clothing for Adam and Eve after they disobeyed in the garden. (Genesis 3:21)
-He provided a way out of death for Noah and his family. (Genesis 6-9)
-He provided a path through the Red Sea for the Israelites. (Exodus 14:21-22)
-He provided food and water in the wilderness. (Exodus 16-17:7)
-He provided for the widow of Zarephath. (1 Kings 17:8-16)
-He provided food and rest and encouragement for Elijah. (1 Kings 19:1-18)
-He provided shelter for Jonah. (Jonah 4:5-8)
-He provided food for over 5,000 people. (John 6:1-14)
“Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’… For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.” –Matthew 6:26,31-32
2. God protects His children
-He protected Moses and the Israelites from Pharaoh. (Exodus 5-14)
-He protected David from wild beasts, Goliath, and Saul. (1 Samuel 17-26)
-He protected Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego from the fire. (Daniel 3)
-He protected Daniel from the lions. (Daniel 6)
-He protected Esther from the wrath of the king and His people from Haman’s wickedness. (Esther)
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” –Isaiah 41:10
“But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.” –2 Thessalonians 3:3
“The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised; so shall I be saved from my enemies.” –Psalm 18:2-3
“The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them.” –Psalm 34:7
3. God instructs His children in the right path
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.” –Psalm 32:8
“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from hell.” –Proverbs 23:13-14
4. God leads us in the way of life
“He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.” –Psalm 23:3
“Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'” –John 8:12
5. God is the best example
-He has asked us to do nothing that He Himself has not done for us
-Jesus showed us how to treat and care for others
-Jesus showed us how to follow and obey God
“Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us…” –Ephesians 5:1-2
“For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.” –John 13:15
Conclusion – Embrace and Encourage Masculinity
We live in a time where men are hated and masculinity is thought of as toxic. Men and boys are encouraged to model that which is the exact opposite of their nature: to be delicate, soft, or more like women. But as we have just seen above, and with what I recently touched on about Embracing Motherhood, God did not design men or fathers to be that way. He created order and balance. Men and women complement each other. We were made so different so that we fit together perfectly.
But is this current idea true? Is masculinity toxic and a sign of oppression? To answer that, we first have to look at the definition of masculinity:
Masculine – Having the qualities of a man; strong; robust; bold; brave.
What I fail to see in this definition is the toxicity. The abuse, the lust for power, etc., is strangely absent. What it does say is that masculine men are strong (protectors), bold (leadership and example), These are all things that we admire in others, especially in men. I think if women are wise and honest with themselves, we all would admit that we look for a guy who is not really like ourselves. Who has strengths to our weaknesses, who complements and balances our feminine nature.
Masculinity is not the problem. In the same way we cannot place the blame on an inanimate object for how a person chooses to use it, we cannot blame the abuse, power and hurt done by men on masculinity. Anything good can be abused and used for evil, this is a sin issue…not a masculine issue. In fact, encouraging more masculine men who: protect their wives, children, and home, defend the weak and defenseless, stand up for truth, justice, and righteousness…and pass this legacy on to their sons and daughters is more of an assurance against those toxic traits than is branding masculinity as the toxin and attempting to turn men into women.
When we train up our children to have a healthy and biblical view of masculinity we raise up sons who have the potential to be a godly father and daughters who have a proper view of what a godly man looks like. This is how we change the current pattern in our society and bring balance to the family.
Preserving Foundations 
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